Endurance, Persistence and a lot of Hope

I’m not one to give up or quit anything I’ve started. Thats something that was instilled in my as a young child. Have there been times in my life that I have wanted to quit? Absolutely. Yet, never have I quit anything.

At the age of four I was taken to see our hometowns “ballet company” made up of amateurs perform The Nutcracker. After watching the performance I told my mom, “I want to do that.” Of course I had no idea that they weren’t professional or how grueling it would be to get where I am at now. That summer I was enrolled at that ballet studio. I was there for fourteen years. I studied and completed my Royal Academy of Dance training. Royal Academy of Dance is a style of ballet. Its very classical and traditional much like the russian style. I thought I had it all together by my fourteenth year at that school and my sixth year in the company. Boy was I wrong.

After graduating high school, I left during summer for a five week program with a professional company in Chicago in hopes of receiving an offer for their trainee program. Despite the fact that they seemed genuinely interested in me, I didn’t get a contract. My back up plan was community college, and trying ti figure out what else I wanted to with my life. But I couldn’t let it go. I called up Los Angeles Ballet and asked if I could take an audition for their trainee program. I thought hey why not. They are in the same city as me and I NEED to dance. Two days after arriving home from Chicago I went and auditioned. Just took a class with the people that where at their summer program already. It was a very hard audition for me. They were stylistically so different than me. I have never felt so discouraged in my life. I knew I didn’t even have a chance. Yeah right, like a Balanchine company would take a very R.A.D and Russian trained dancer to be one of their trainees. I was done for.

Within the same week they emailed me telling me that they had accepted me into their trainee program. I honestly couldn’t have been more excited and relieved to hear that. I was given a second chance. I am very grateful for that. I knew it was going to be challenging and frustrating, but I’m weird and enjoy those things.

After my first day of classes there, I got in my car and bawled my eyes out. It was like trying to learn chinese by immersion. Impossible. Everything that I had been taught for fourteen years, was wrong to them. My arms, my head, the way I articulated my feet, the quality of my movement were all wrong for Balanchine. I had to relearn how to do everything. I lost count of how many times I wanted to quit in the first two to three months of being there. Yet, I kept pushing harder and harder and learning as much as I could and trying to improve. I’m still nowhere near where I want to be, but I’m striving to become the best that I can be.

“Keep on going.” That should be my superhero catch phrase. Those three small simple words have a lot of power and meaning behind them for me. Keep on going. Press on forward. Eventually you will find yourself where your dreams have been taking you while you were sleeping.

On nights like tonight, I still have thoughts of quitting and a hysteric sobbing fest in my car. Even though I have improved tremendously due to great instruction, I feel like I’ll never make it. So I make myself work harder, and sometimes that helps and other times it doesn’t. This career path isn’t for the weak hearted, minded, bodied. It’s a hard life to live, but to me its with it and I love every moment of it.


We are insignificant


Even though I haven’t lived that much of my life yet, I have lived enough to know, how small and insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things.

When you are flying in an airplane and look down at the earth below, how can you not be in awe of the vast expanse of it all. It looks like a piece of art work from the sky. Intricate details all wonderfully and effortlessly placed. No human beauty can compare to it and no human being can replicate it.

I like to go hiking, sadly I don’t get to go too often, but when I do I can’t help but feel so tiny surrounded by pine trees, mountains rivers and lakes. They are enormous and far wilder than I am. I mean when was the last time you met someone who is as tall as a pine tree or sycamore? Who can say they are just as colossal as a mountain? No one. And why would you want to be? All I know is, There is something much bigger and grander than us. You can see it when you look at the earth. We are but minuscule creatures living imperceptible lives. Our lives fade away in a short amount of time, but mountains, oceans, forests, rivers, canyons, and lakes will continue to last as long as Earth exists. How can you not believe that there is a higher power when you know these things are true.

Vivacious Blogger

I had someone once tell me that I was a vivacious little thing. I was a lot younger than I am now, and I didn’t really understand the meaning of that word. If you look it up in the dictionary the definition says “lively in temper, conduct, or spirit”  To me this sounds like you are describing a very out going person. That I am not. I’m more of the shy wallflower type when you first meet me, and then as you get to know me I begin to open up. Not at all by any means the out going life of the party girl. So the word vivacious seems like it would be the wrong word to describe me. “Lively” is obviously just a synonym that the dictionary uses to describe the word vivacious. There are many other synonyms for vivacious. Active, energetic, cheerful, and passionate are a few that would fit me. Those words make me like that definition a lot more. Temper, conduct and spirit are basic and very broad ways society can view you. Temper, is your personality, conduct is what you do and how you behave, and spirit is your soul. To be active in all three areas would make you someone who is very progressive and effective. Energetic in all three, you would be tireless and enduring. Cheerful; you would be viewed as joyful and hopeful. Passionate; would mean you are zealous and dedicated. 

This blog will reflect these words. This is how I like to live my life, and it’s wonderful. In this blog you will find things that I love, make me happy, laugh, cry and scream. I will share my clothes, thoughts, opinions, ideas and photos. All of which will be full of life and vivacity.